Random thought

For some reason, I was thinking this morning about my hospital stay when Jack was born. It was a life changing few days, and so much of it was just a blur- I'm still getting flashbacks of bits and pieces.

Most of it was just a warm, fuzzy dream, like some sort of natural endorphin buzz, but I do remember the first icy cold revelation of the incredible responsibility, realising that I would really give up my life for this little creature, and wondering what sort of world we were giving to him.

Its kind of funny now, but one of the worst parts of my hospital stay was the TV. Getting breastfeeding established meant that I was waking up every couple of hours to feed J, and it was taking an hour or so each feed, so night time and day time just melted into each other, and the middle of the night was a dimly lit version of the after-lunch rest period: just me, J and a bed.

And a TV. For some reason, I kept switching it on during those late night feeding sessions, hoping to find something to distract me from the pain in my hand and tummy. And for some reason, the only programs that seemed to be on were "Cunnamulla", and "America's Hardest Prisons". Every time we would wake for a feed, that's what would be on. So I'd sit there tucked up in bed, clutching my newborn child and watching 13 year old Cara and Kellie-Anne discuss being coerced into sex with random boys, Marto's dad rotting away slowly in front of his fan, Neredah the town matron, administering verbal floggings with every breath, and other aimless tragic characters in their aimless tragic town. When that finished, we'd lurch into a hellhole of lockdowns, riots and exercise yard murders, and I'd just sit, transfixed, wondering what sort of world I've given to my son.

Gives me a chuckle now, but next time I think I will take some decent books instead.